The 5 Love Languages – The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman, Special Guest Post by The Author of 'Habis Nikah, Ngapain?'
The 5 Love Languages – The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
BookMattic here, today I've got a special Guest Post by my good friend and author of 'Habis Nikah, Ngapain?', Daniel Arseneault. He was kind enough to write a book review that he would like to share with you on my blog. Also if you'd be kind enough to visit his website, blog and Facebook page linked at the bottom of the page that would be great! Enjoy the review! But first, let Daniel introduce himself.
Daniel has been an International English teacher for nearly 20 years during which time he has also dabbled in a wide range of activities including MCing, singing, songwriting, managing a blues band, live music performances, managing a café, traveling extensively (often by motorbike) and being a devoted father. His passion is living life to its fullest and he hopes to impart this love of life to his teenage daughter, and anyone else who cares to listen. Daniel presently lives in Indonesia and is in the process of writing a book titled Habis Nikah Ngapain? to help Indonesian couples get the most of their relationship.
I’d like to talk today about a book that’s totally remodeled the way I approach every relationship in my life, whether romantic, with family members, with business partners or even with friends. You see, while The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, is mainly about helping couples create a healthy loving relationship, I found that the overall philosophy is also applicable to most interpersonal interactions.
To begin with, the book follows the premise that, just as there are different languages through which we express ourselves to communicate ideas and thoughts, there are also different “Love Languages” through which we express our love, or feelings for one another. And, just as people who speak totally different languages face many difficulties in communicating with, and understanding one another, “speaking” different love languages can lead to misunderstanding and relationship issues between partners in a couple.
Through many real life examples drawn from over 35 years as a relationship counselor, Gary Chapman manages to clearly outline what he identified as 5 main love languages used by most. In his simple but honest writing style, Gary Chapman describes the love languages, namely Words of Affirmations, Acts of Services, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts and Physical Touch, in a way which is accessible and easily understandable.
The book starts with an overview of what happens after marriage and why people fall in love in the first place and then proceeds to explain the idea of Love Languages before providing more details on each individual language. The point he makes is that often, people feel unheard or unloved within their couple simply because they fail to notice efforts made by their partner to express love. For example, a native speaker of Acts of Services might believe that they are truly expressing their love and devotion to their spouse by helping around the house, washing the dishes or even taking out the trash but if their partner is a native speaker of Quality Time, they might instead be craving one-on-one time with their spouse and not see all the chores as an act of love.
Chapman goes on to explain how identifying and learning our spouse’s love language can improve your romantic relationships. The concept is that learning to use your spouse’s love language will help you show your love in a way that can be understood by them. A helpful profile analysis is even provided at the end of the book to assist you in identifying each other’s love languages.
While I find the overall philosophy of this book to be quite accurate, one of its main features is that it is not only a theoretical essay, but rather a practical guide on what to do to create lasting love, and how to do it. Each chapter is concluded with a series of simple practical exercises meant to provoke introspection and to encourage the reader to take concrete actions in achieving a better relationship.
Gary Chapman’s writing style may not be suited for all and may be seen as a bit trite and even preachy at time, as he is quite involved in his church, but conceptually the idea of Love Languages has generally been accepted within the marriage counselling community, making The 5 Love Languages one of the most widely read books on relationships and a regular on the many bestseller lists around the world.